If there is one thing my married self could go back and tell my single self, it would be to stop. Just stop. Stop wanting him to want you. Stop playing by his rules. Stop thinking you need to reel him in. Stop letting him dangle the carrot. (Not THAT carrot. Figuratively speaking here, geez.) In general, stop accepting the bullshit.
When I was single, I would obsess over every detail of what a guy did or didn’t say. He hasn’t texted me in two days. It took him four hours to respond this morning. Should I post a picture to make him jealous? Should I fake drunk text him at 9:02 p.m.?
At no point did I think that I should bail on the not-even-a-relationship-yet because it was a waste of my time. Nor did I think I was too good for this type of obsessiveness. If I liked him, I wanted him to like me back. But not everyone likes you back, as much as that reality sucks. Not everyone is ready for a relationship and not everyone is mature enough to be in one.
When I met my husband, we would text every day. I never questioned if he was into me, and I never wondered if I should text him or not. If I wanted to talk to him, I would. Sometimes I would forget to respond to him for hours until he reminded me. Not because I was playing games with him, but because I would literally get busy and forget to respond. Why? Because I wasn’t questioning what he was thinking or feeling. I felt comfortable and confident.
So before you respond to his text message, answer his call or make plans to see him, make sure he’s worthy – of your time, your feelings and your effort. Let me remind you of this. You are not a midnight call. You are not second best. You are not waiting to catch the dangling carrot.
You ARE the effing carrot. You dangle yourself out there until someone has the balls and maturity to treat you like the carrot-goddess you are.
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