Every relationship goes through sex dry spells, and dry spells are unfortunate, to say the least. They can make you feel moody, disconnected from your spouse or generally less happy about life. And when you and your spouse get into a dry spell, it can be hard – like, really hard – to get out. Because it’s usually tricky to pinpoint where the lack of drive is coming from. However, my husband and I recently went through a dry spell, and I know exactly what caused it. (Spoiler alert, it’s been fixed, but thanks for your concern.)
I’ve found that my body wants more sex when I’m having a lot sex. And vice versa – when I’m not having a lot of sex, my body doesn’t crave it as much. But this can make it super difficult to end a dry spell. How are you supposed to end a dry spell and have more sex if your body is like, “Eh, I’m fine. No, thanks. I’m just gonna eat this ice cream.” Seriously, it can be a struggle.
Sex is a big part of my and my husband’s relationship. And of course, lack of intimacy is one of many things that can take a toll on your relationship. I feel more emotionally connected to my husband when our sex life is good. Frequent sex makes me feel happier, and I’m a nicer person to my husband. (Sorry, doll.) To get back to having more sex, you just have to get over the hump. Sometimes that means just doing the deed to get your bodies back in sync.
But this wasn’t the root of our dry spell problem. I didn’t have to Google “how to get my husband to have more sex with me” or “how to end a dry spell” because I already knew the issue. We were having sex, just not as much of it because I wasn’t in the mood. Our problem was that I wasn’t following my own tips for more sex. I’ve got plenty of sex tips, and I wasn’t following a single one!
Here’s where I was messing up:
- I wasn’t eating well.
- I wasn’t making myself feel pretty.
My appearance and my diet can drastically alter my sex drive. When I eat healthily, I feel light and not bloated. In turn, this makes me feel confident, sexy and excited to be intimate with my husband. But, I was eating a lot of fast food, candy and junk, so I felt anything but sexy. For a couple of months, I just felt bloated. I was more lethargic because of what I was putting into my body. So, if I’m not going to eat well, I might as well make myself look really good so I still feel sexy. Right? Absolutely, but that’s not what I was doing.
I wasn’t doing the things that make me feel confident and feminine to boost my confidence. I didn’t fix my hair, paint my nails or moisturize nearly as much as I like to. It wasn’t because I was too busy for these things – I just wasn’t doing them. I didn’t feel like it. But this is where the cycle sets in. I didn’t feel like putting much effort into myself, so I didn’t do a good job of taking care of myself on the inside either. (e.g. eating four bags of candy in one sitting) I didn’t feel sexy or energetic because of the things I was – or wasn’t – doing. And if ya don’t feel sexy, ya don’t want to have sex. Period.
After several weeks of this, I knew I had to shape up. I began cooking us healthier meals again, and I did little things that made feel pretty, like shaving my legs daily. I quickly got back to my old self, and we got back to our old sex frequency. But, this little dry spell reminded me of how all these factors work together.
Diet, appearance, energy, sex, happiness, confidence – they are all linked. When you slack in one area, it’s impossible to maintain the other areas.
If you’re in a dry spell, plan a date night at home to get out of it! Grab the checklist below to plan a perfectly sexy night in!