Dating is fun. It’s gut-wrenching in the best and worst ways – it makes you giddy and terrified all at the same time. Think back to the beginning of your relationship when your stomach dropped at the notification of every text; when you fixed your makeup each time before seeing him; or how you actually planned an outfit for a Netflix date. It was exciting, right? It was exciting because both people were equally and eagerly trying to please each other. Fast forward some months or years later, and the glittery edge around your relationship may not be so shiny anymore. You wish your partner would be more affectionate and pay more attention. You miss those old feelings, and you miss just how into each other you both seemed to be.
I’ve been in that exact spot. When I evaluated how we got to that point, I realized I wasn’t being very affectionate or paying much attention either. I was putting in minimal effort, just as he was, stuffing my feelings back behind my guard and just going through the motions. So, if I had stopped trying, why was I expecting more from him? It’s very possible that if your spouse isn’t treating you the way you’d like them to, you’re probably not treating them ideally either. So, here’s my advice…
Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated. Speak to him as you want him to speak to you. Show him affection in the same way you’d like it reciprocated. Show him a level of respect that you want him to extend to you. And lastly, engage in acts of kindness towards him that benefit him directly. Does he have a busy day? Pack him a lunch. Has he been stressed? Give him a massage. Pay attention to his needs and if you see an opportunity where you can help, take it.
Do this day after day, week after week – even if it seems like he’s not picking up on your efforts or returning them. Because he will eventually. Sometimes we just need someone to show us first. In the end, it comes down to being your partner’s number one supporter – showing him unconditional love and lifting him up in any way you can. Why? Because you owe that to him, just as he owes it to you. Sometimes life, personal pride or selfishness can make us lose sight of that.
But this is not about pride. It’s about cultivating a relationship that is fulfilling and bright for the both of you. It’s about putting forth effort to reach a happier place in your marriage. It’s about treating your spouse in the exact way you want him to treat you. After all, if you want a noble and humble king, you must be an equally noble and humble queen.