Married sex is the best sex. But, it’s not just being married that makes intimacy so good. It’s the connection – the understanding and realization of one another. And unfortunately, that underlying connection isn’t always enough to put this wife in the mood. Lots of other factors affect whether or not I’m in the mood for sex – like how full my belly is or how connected I feel to my husband.
Having sex less than a few times a week makes my husband and I feel a little off. We tend to annoy each other a little more and feel a little disconnected. Feeling connected to each other makes us happier and more productive in all other aspects of our lives. So, it’s important to us that we do little things to nurture our married sex life. Here are some things we do to promote more sex in our marriage:
1. Make myself feel pretty.
I’ll likely not feel up to sex if I don’t feel pretty. So, it’s important to me that I do small things to boost my confidence. I always joke with my husband on the days that I put time into my hair in the mornings. If my hair is fixed and down in the AM, I feel spicier in the PM. 😉
2. Have less TV time.
One of our goals from our most recent marriage meeting was to have zero TV time at least one or two nights a week. We love the shows we watch together, and we enjoy a good Netflix binge sesh as much as the next couple. But, we’re not really communicating and connecting while watching them. Having less TV time allows us to focus on each other and connect over a more interactive activity or conversation.
3. Get in the bed a little earlier.
Getting to bed earlier is one of the best ways to have more sex in marriage. Because being home alone together isn’t always foreplay. We’re cooking, cleaning, catching up on shows, playing with the dogs, etc. when we’re at home. So, getting in bed earlier removes distractions and lets us unwind together. Getting in bed when we’re tired and ready for sleep will almost always guarantee we’re not going to have sex.
4. Put the phones away at bedtime.
Getting in bed earlier (to connect) is pointless if we’re on our phones. I’m a big fan of not bringing our phones to bed. Meaning, once we get in the bed, the phones are on the chargers for the night. Being on our phones as soon as we get in the bed can be grounds for miscommunicating about sex. In the mood or not, I’m still a fan of no phones at bedtime.
5. Eat healthily.
I will never feel up to sex if I’ve been eating poorly. I feel bloated, gross and generally unattractive. These feelings don’t make me want to have sex. Sometimes, I’ll eat poorly knowing that I’m tapping out for the next several hours or even the day. But we’re not having sex as long as those poor eating habits continue. Moderation and being mindful of my food choices are essential for boosting my desire for sex.
6. Talk and spend quality time.
Quality conversation is so important for me to feel connected to my husband. Of course, this type of in-depth conversation doesn’t happen every day. Some days we’re tired, and we talk about the small things – the day, the dogs, dinner, something silly we see online or the show we’re watching. But, I need the good, quality stuff mixed in. That’s why it’s helpful to have no TV or get in bed early some nights.
Like every marriage, sex is only a fraction of our relationship. But the health of one element of a relationship will spread to other elements. And, that’s why we take time to nurture the sexual aspect of our relationship. Of course, we don’t do these things every night. But they always prove successful when we need a sexual boost or need to reconnect after a busy week.
How do you boost intimacy in your relationship? I’d love to hear below!