Personalities vary as much as flowers – there’s just no two the same. But across the many personalities, there is one trait that is unfortunate and ugly every time. It’s a trait that causes people to act out and to hurt others and themselves. The trait I’m referring to is insecurity, and it’s the most unattractive personality trait in my book.
The most dreadful thing about insecurity is the way it brings out ugly traits from within a person – like selfishness or rudeness – in an attempt to cover up the insecurity. I’ve watched friends, family and myself retreat and lash out because of insecurities. I’ve seen walls built as a way to cope with insecurity. I’ve witnessed people pushing others away or running people over because of their insecurities.
The thing is, being insecure about something is completely normal. We’re human, after all. It’s also normal for an insecurity to engulf you because sometimes they are that big and hairy. But it doesn’t have to be our normal. Insecurities only win if you let them.
As people, we host a myriad of insecurities. Our insecurities are tied back to teenage bullying, excess weight, an unfaithful or disengaged spouse, a lousy parent, lack of funds, a dead-end job – the list goes on. Our insecurities affect our self-confidence and self-worth and how we treat other people, as well as ourselves. Our insecurities may be deeply rooted within us – some going back to our formative years – but it doesn’t mean we can’t conquer them. The moment we believe we can’t conquer our insecurities, we’re giving up power to an unnecessary evil.
There’s no easy way to learn how to stop being insecure about something. But I think the first step is to be aware – be aware of the insecurity, what’s causing it, what triggers it and how it makes you act. Knowing how the insecurity looks and sounds can help us realize when it’s taking over. I’ve found it’s much easier to talk myself off a ledge when I can clearly see how and why I got there. And sometimes, this realization helps me revert my thoughts and feelings back to a positive place before I end up saying or doing things that are hurtful to others.
The next time you feel yourself acting out, evaluate the situation to know if you’re being fueled by an insecurity. If it is an insecurity, talk about it! There’s no reason to keep it hidden or it will continue to show itself when you least expect it. And the next time a loved one – spouse, family member or friend – begins to act ugly, don’t be quick to cast judgement. It’s likely their actions are being caused by an insecurity. You may know what it is or you may be completely in the dark. Regardless, all you can do to help is build them up and love them through it.
Letting your insecurities get the best of you is an ugly trait, but having the willpower to confront them is a noble, beautiful thing.
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