I know what you’re thinking…“Marriage rules?!” Yes, you read that headline right. My husband and I have some light rules in our marriage. We didn’t, however, sit down one day and come up with these marriage rules. Most are unspoken courtesies, while others are intentional ways to foster a healthy relationship. What our marriage rules are not are the basics for being in a relationship.
You won’t find things like, “Say I love you every day,” or “Kiss goodnight,” on my list. Those are things we do simply because we are in love. Those are the basics I’m talking about – things that typically come without thinking. And, we actually don’t kiss goodnight every night. Sometimes we get into position, only to get sups-comf and then realize we have no energy to roll back over for a kiss. Either way, it’s fine.
When it comes down to it, our rules in marriage are really about respect, communication and love. Here are six of our marriage rules:
1. Ask for an apology when it’s owed.
My husband and I have become very good about asking the other for an apology when it’s owed. Sometimes we hurt each other’s feelings without realizing it. Sometimes we get our feelings hurt, and address it, but not as much as we’d prefer. We don’t sulk and wait for the other to take notice. We speak up, say what’s on our mind and ask for an apology. The point of this is to fully address the issue so we realize how to avoid it in the future. A genuine apology makes it a non-issue, and there’s nothing left to discuss.
2. The last one out of bed makes the bed.
We created this marriage rule a few months back. I was getting annoyed because I made our bed the most, even if I was the first person out of it. So, we implemented a rule – the last person out of bed makes the bed. This simple system seemed fair and keeps us accountable and (me) non-annoyed.
3. Don’t argue or have important discussions via text.
We learned a long time ago that text messages are not the place for important conversations. Fighting via text message only creates more hostility. We now reserve arguments and hot topics for in-person discussions. If we’re not seeing eye-to-eye when we go to work, it’s too bad. We’ll have to hash it out later. But, it doesn’t mean that we can’t still talk during the day.
4. Don’t be afraid to hurt the other’s feelings with your truth.
My husband and I have had some uncomfortable conversations. But, the conversations had to happen for us to speak our truth. Speaking our truth promptly helps us not build resentment toward each other. (Because we all know resentment leads to passive aggressiveness and explosions.)
You’re not always going to have positive things to tell your spouse, and that’s okay. Having those little conversations strengthens your marriage. Just remember to deliver your thoughts with love.
5. Let the other know where you are.
Letting the other person know where we are is something we’ve always done. Whether one of us is driving out of town or meeting a friend – we’ll send a quick text to say we’ve made it or where we’re at. Even if he knows I have happy hour with a girlfriend on a Tuesday, I’ll text him which bar I’m at once I get there. I suppose we do this out of respect for each other and because you just never know what can happen.
6. Never have just one kiss “hello” or “goodbye.”
Pecks are for the birds. (pun-intended) We never have just one, single kiss “hello” or “goodbye.” (We don’t really do single kisses in general.) We have a series of little kisses. Because it’s the little things. And because one kiss is just not enough. You better believe I’m pulling my hubby back for more if he tries to give me just one kiss.
I love my husband, and I want us to preserve that love. These little marriage rules are simple things that make a big difference in our marriage. The kind of difference that helps us stay happy in love and not hasty.
Do you have little “rules” in your relationship? Share with us what they are below! We can all use new ways to keep our relationships happy and fresh!