My husband and I are both stubborn. We could both argue (and validly make) our points until we’re blue in the face. And, ya know what? I don’t think being stubborn in marriage is a bad thing.
One of the ugly truths I’ve learned about marriage is that you don’t always like your spouse. And, that’s okay! But not seeing eye to eye shouldn’t mean avoiding confrontation at any cost. This is when that pesky stubbornness comes in handy. It allows you to stand your ground and stand up for what you believe to be true.
So often, people talk about stubbornness as if it’s a negative trait. And, it can be, if you’re not self-aware. Going around being stubborn just for the sake of being stuck in your ways is self-righteous. But, I don’t think most stubborn people are this way. My husband and I included. I will, however, say that our stubbornness used to cause us to not speak after an argument. That kind of stubbornness in our relationship was prideful. We’re now much better at resolving conflict in our marriage. And, we’re better at knowing when to use the stubborn trait.
My husband is stubborn, but I want him to be. The alternative is being married to someone that will let me walk on him. And, I don’t want that in a spouse. I want a spouse that will stand up to me when I’m out of line. I don’t want him to give into me just to avoid confrontation. And for that reason, I’m not sorry for being stubborn either.
My husband and I are stubborn because we believe in the argument we’re making. I can be stubborn because I know there is truth in what I’m saying. And, my husband the same. I’m quick to see my husband’s (or anyone else’s) point of view. I suppose it’s a blessing and a curse. Nothing is black and white to me – everything is gray. So, I admit that I do have to work harder for my husband to see my side of the story sometimes. But, he eventually understands and gets it.
Sometimes he’ll say, “This is your Aquarius coming out, and I’m not going to win.” But you see, that’s not him giving in. Instead, he’s calling out my behavior and saying he’s hopping off the merry-go-round. It gives us a laugh – it doesn’t give me the upper hand.
To me, being stubborn means so much more than being right. It means not settling for what you don’t deserve. We’re both pretty quick to apologize when we’re wrong. But, we’re also quick to request an apology from the other if it’s owed. (Because trust me – “I’m sorry” is one of those things your spouse needs to hear from you if you’re in the wrong.)
We can blame stubbornness on genetics or astrological signs. But, I’m not sorry for being stubborn, and I wouldn’t have my husband any other way.
How do you feel about stubbornness in your relationship? I’d love to hear your thoughts below!