How we keep the passion in our marriage
Without passion in a marriage, you mainly have a partnership. None of us want to feel like we are in a platonic, monogamous partnership with our spouses. Yet, keeping the passion alive takes effort, respect and initiative, and everyday life can sometimes make domestic life feel a little mundane, not romantic. However, romance doesn’t have to come in the form of big gestures. It’s the tiny romantic gestures that are essential to keeping us happy, fulfilled and passionate in marriage.
Now, I’ve used both “romance” and “passion” here, but I don’t use these words interchangeably. Let me explain my definitions of each:
- Romance: The flirtatious, sweet and intimate side of a relationship; Romance keeps you on your toes, keeps you feeling excited about your spouse, makes you feel desired and helps keep fiery passion in your relationship.
- Passion: The feeling of connectivity that keeps you and your spouse choosing each other each day; Passion is evident through your affection toward each other and during sex, arguments and even downtime.
Romance is sort of like a candle. Its light can dim and waiver, and the light can even get blown out sometimes—either on purpose or just from wind passing through. And when the romance candle goes out, the passion inevitably goes out too.
The best way to keep that light going is to simply be conscious of the light, to check-in on it and to take action when you see it’s dimming.
Here are 11 small ways my hubby and I keep the passion in our marriage:
1. Hold hands.
Hand holding is one of my favorite gestures of love—it’s a small reassurance of the other’s presence, love and attention. We’ll hold hands while watching TV on the couch, driving down the road, snuggling, walking down the street or into a store. It just comes naturally to us. If holding hands doesn’t come naturally to you, it probably can if you make an effort to do it more often.
Snuggling may seem basic or cliché, but it does make you feel connected when your bodies are tangled up together. I look forward to snuggling up for a movie or snuggling before we fall asleep.
3. Speak up when we feel disconnected.
When you start holding onto negative thoughts or feelings about your spouse, it turns into resentment and that resentment undoubtedly make you less affectionate. My hubby and I are pretty good about speaking up when we feel hurt or upset about something the other did. Getting our feelings out on the table ensures that negative feelings don’t start affecting our relationship.
4. Have marriage meetings.
I’ll be honest, we’re not consistent with the timing of our marriage meetings. In fact, we were due for one months ago. We discuss shared goals and plans in our marriage meetings, which helps us be on the same page and move our marriage and life forward together. It’s a powerful thing to plan your life out together.
5. Tease each other.
You don’t have to have sex to be sexual. I’ll turn the shower on, take off my clothes then casually stroll by doll while he’s watching TV. Or, I’ll come to wherever he is and apply my lotion in front of him, and he’ll do fun, little teasing things to me too.
6. Do shared interests together.
I don’t feel it’s necessary to have all the same interests as your spouse, but it’s good to have a few! Doll and I like hiking, watching crime shows, doing yard work, getting sun (in the summer) and taking on projects around the house together. When we do work around the house, we always feel exhausted at the end of the day, but so connected and proud of our work.
7. Kiss on each other.
Forehead, cheek, neck, hand or lips—any kind of kiss is my favorite. Doll and I kiss on each other a lot at home, and we always kiss goodbye. But, we don’t believe in single lip kisses goodbye, or anytime, really. A typical lip kiss is at least three good kisses.
8. Make out.
No, making out is not the same as kissing on each other. A good make out sesh is good for our souls.
9. Go on dates.
Impromptu dates, like going for an ice cream or a coffee, are fun, but I really enjoy the planned-ahead dates. I love to primp and feel pretty—for whatever our date will entail—and just enjoy spending time with my honey when I feel my best. It’s also fulfilling and connecting when we do new things on our dates, even if it’s just trying a new restaurant.
10. Feel each other up.
I can’t begin to count the times doll and I feel each other up in a day. I love his hands on me and my hands on him. It just says, “I see you, and I like what I see.”
11. Have sex.
Duh, sex had to be on this list. Good sex is good for your mood and certainly makes you feel connected and that connectivity spreads into your other times together. But, there is so much more to romance besides sex, hence everything else on this list.