Giving and receiving sexual criticism can be awkward. You worry about your partner’s feelings when you give constructive sexual feedback. And, it can hurt your ego when your partner points out where you could improve. So, should you tell your partner when you don’t like something? Absolutely. If you have sexual criticism to give, it’s always worth it to do so.
My husband and I have both pointed out things the other did that we didn’t like. My husband’s critique of me came in our early years of dating. He told me the way I did something was actually painful for him. So, my reaction was, “Cool, that’s the last time I do that for you!” (ha!)
I was embarrassed. After all, I thought I had been doing a great job. Though I didn’t handle that sexual criticism with grace, I did change what he didn’t like. And, that’s exactly you should speak up if you don’t like something. Sex is meant to be enjoyed. If there’s room to increase enjoyment, then by all means, increase it.
Why you should speak up
You know your body better than anyone. Just because someone is your partner or spouse doesn’t mean they automatically know exactly how you like something. I mean, your husband doesn’t have a vagina, so how is he supposed to know how it feels when he does certain things? He goes by your response, and if you never speak up, he thinks he gets an A+. And vice versa. It’s possible your partner has no idea they’re doing something you dislike. (In my case, I had no idea I was hurting my husband until he told me.)
How to Give Sexual Criticism
Hearing constructive criticism isn’t always easy – especially when it’s about sex. Remember that how you deliver your critique can make or break the conversation. But, don’t beat around the bush or sugarcoat it. Say what you need to say with love and kindness. It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out conversation. Your partner gets it.
How to Receive Sexual Criticism
I’d suggest you don’t react as I did to sexual criticism – though it may be your gut reaction. Remember that your partner is only trying to make the sex better for both of you. They are not trying to make you feel bad. If they don’t get tone right, don’t immediately react. Take in their critique. Ask questions if you need to. And move on.
My husband and I still joke about his sexual critique of me. I suppose we laugh about it because of what the critique was and how I reacted to it. One thing is certain though – the sex gets better the more we communicate our likes and dislikes. Even ten years later.